Thursday I had to visit the clinic, a bunch of blood tests to do. My family doctor wanted to check many things and so, more than 15 tubes were filled with my blood. I was suggested to do this tests months ago but I was done with western medicine, couldn't take another vague answer or another prescription. So it took me a while to get there and finally get it done.
I had my drink (chinese herbs) the night before as usual, not knowing if it was going to affect the blood test, I honestly didn't care much for the blood test. Didn't feel like breaking the rhythm, things were smooth and I wanted to keep it that way.
Thursday I was in crying mode, not sure why I was crying, I'm feeling nostalgic and maybe a bit sad (que patetica!!!) I also had diarrhea, rare thing for me (now, that's serious sh*t, no pun intended!).
I had all this feelings girls talk about before their period. I never had them before or maybe very mild many years ago, when I was a teenager, I even feel like eating lots of sugary things. I guess all that is more representative of the monthly process than being sick, and I assumed that as we worked to break that pattern, the regular/common state comes out and sets it.
If I was going to feel more like girls do when that time comes, I was fine with it, I can certainly deal with that!
The morning was quiet, I had breakfast after the blood tests, I was a bit cold and was being a crying baby.
And, let me add some sneezing to that, nothing serious though, It seems silly but if I get just a bit cold my body reacts immediately and I sneeze. So I wasn't too worry about anything, I sent a message to Ethan with this news so he would be prepared for the next day, not that he needed my advise, the man is brilliant and an excellent practitioner, I am very happy to have found him!
For moral support I asked my husband to try the drink, he did, his words: "not so bad, smoky flavor. Whatever it is, keep drinking, you are sleeping good, snoring loud. You're feeling better, and your snarky sense of humor is back, so definitely on the right path, now stop crying"
Then noon came and with it my period and with it the sneezing monster. Amazing, how with the first drop of blood the sneezing starts and I can't control it! I don't mean to be graphic but that is exactly what happens!!! I mean all morning I was kind of fine and BOOM!!!! period comes and that means that I sneeze my life away!
I sneezed non-stop, 10 times, 20 times, may times, it was bad. I decided to be strong and keep up with it. Meditation helped very little, I lay in bed waiting for it to go away but it doesn't. Off I go to work and the reaction of everyone is "OMG you sick again", "wow, you looking terrible today with the allergies", "I think the TCM is not helping you at all, look at you", "oh, she is sick again"... and I teach 2 hours of Kickboxing feeling really bad, sneezing like crazy, and wanting to go home badly.
I get home, sneeze away all night, sleep very little and cry so much feeling devastated, the sneezing monster attacked again and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt defeated. Had been drinking the horrible tasting concoction, done the exercises, followed every suggestion to the T and what happens? This! I am sick again!
Friday I have my app with Ethan and I get there swiming in a sea of tears, I couldn't control myself. I felt a bit silly to be there crying. And I had the drink with me so he could taste it.
He explains that it is all ok, that things are actually better and to let my emotions run freely, there is nothing wrong with feeling melancolic and crying a bit. But I was mad at the whole thing happening again. I was so congested from crying that I couldn't tell if the sneezing was totally gone, I mean I was not sneezing right there but I had the symptoms and well from all the crying I couldn't really tell what was what. I got my treatment, a back massage, needles that hurt very very much and I was left there to rest under a blanket.
Ethan drank the conconction and I think he liked it!!!! He didn't make any face, he even took two more sips of it and his reaction, very much like hubby's, hhhmmmm smoky flavor, not bad at all! I was hoping he would hate it and feel my pain! No mercy!
We also spoke about feelings, emotion, decisions that are coming my way. He promised that all this will be over soon, sometimes it takes months to get things back to normal. This time we talked a lot, I think this appointment was more about moral support, I felt reassured, until I left... as soon as I got into the car, I started sneezing again, hard. What a nightmare. I was discouraged. And I sneezed away all weekend up to yesterday (Monday 23rd).
I sent an email to Ethan about my discoveries after much thought during my weekend. Somehow in all that sneezing, crying and feeling sorry for myself I found the light.
After much thought and some tough hours sneezing and crying this is what I came out with. Perspective!
I was sick again, YES! Was it as bad as the previous months, NO, in fact not at all!!!
I feel defeated, angry, frustrated, annoyed, sad, depressed, blah blah blah (Oh Lord so many words I could use) every time I get a sneezing case, when in fact I can start feeling relieved that it is not as bad as before and that even though I am sneezing I can still function and do all the things I usually do, so really, suck it up and stop whining, it could be worse and you know it! (I'm talking to myself).
Yes I was still sneezing hard on friday and saturday, and the moment I got out of bed on sunday the sniffles started, annoying, yes! impeding me from going to work and live my life, no! So I decide to take a pill saturday morning and sunday morning and before I felt bummed about it, I took two minutes to think about it. I took the pill and time to breath, relax and see clear.
It hasn't been bad at all, in previous months and for over two years I was sick almost every two weeks, very sick, in bed and even had to skip work and since last October I had to stop most of my physical practice, because any physical strain would bring a cold or a respiratory track infection.
I started Traditional Chinese Medicine treatments on March 25th, I was very sick the week before my first appointment and the week after, so TCM came to play right in the middle of my monthly process. But after that I have not been seriously sick, some rough moments yes! Some crying yes! Some back pain yes! And it is all related to the work done on me.
It is now about two months that I'm in treatment and I have taken 4 pills in two months, FOUR!!!! I usually go through boxes of allergy/cold pills in a weekend, taking up to 6-8 a day, 2 pills every 4 or 6 hours as per doctor's directions or out of desperation. And when allergy season starts I am supposed, by doctor's orders, to take ONE pill a day from april to december, which I of course don't do and haven't done at all this year!
So, really, it is not that bad, in fact is all GOOD!!!!!
I sleep like a baby!
I'm back to practice all the sports I love!
My toe is perfect, I can wear high heels and kick ass!
I have not missed work in two months!!!
My sense of humour is back, I'm snarky funny me again :-)
I feel more educated and comprehend better what happens to my body when I get sick.
And I have even come to face my fears, hold my ground and fight for what I believe without fear of rejection or isolation. This is huge!
This time I allowed my emotions to take control and I lost perspective.
My next goal, is to control my mind from playing this tricks on me. If I get another sneezing episode, for sure I will have small episodes, I understand that it is going to take a while before all of it goes away, I have to be mentally prepared. I think this time I was more "mentally sick" than the actual sneezing. Things could have probably gone better if I was calmer and grounded, if I was more cool and understanding of the whole process. I know why I feel better/calmer/safe when I see Ethan, because adding to all the work he does, his words help ease the thoughts in my mind, he is objective and uninfluenced by emotions.
So, overwhelmed by own emotions, as soon as I left the office, felt sick again.
If I could get to be calm, objective and unaffected by emotions on my own I will for sure feel much better when the sneezing monsters attacks again. I will definitely be more careful about how I react next time this happens, I mean, more action less reaction. And actually, the chinese herbs even tasted better this morning... well not really, but I was happy to drink.
Now, I am not completely cured but I feel that a big heavy weight has been lifted off of me and I am on the way to stronger than ever me.
Monday I was still sneezing a bit, nothing serious, I decided not to take pills, just chill and let it be. I was off from work so nothing to worry about. I went to buy some more herbs and passed by my favorite hang out place, Lululemon Athletica St-Denis, talked to the Pros, Mathieu Dumontet from CrossFit CapOp
http://www.crossfitcapop.com/ and my Favorite Superhero Peter, a.k.a. Paleo Pete http://www.paleopete.blogspot.com/ both gave me great advise on running and positive thinking. So as I got home went running in the evening, snifles and company couldn't stop me from running my best run. 4.97K in about half an hour, not bad not bad :-)
My next appointment is Tuesday 31st and as of today things are back to normal, you guessed right, menses is gone and with it the sickness and the problems.Tonight I am teaching Kickboxing and I'm so ready to kick @$$... Are you?
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