Despite the fact that I am not feeling very good, let me tell you that the battle is on!
I know that I should work on mental toughness more than anything else because on that side I am crumbling big time, I get depressed and the pressure builds on mentally when I get sick, it is tough and I am yet to learn how to control my emotions in order to make my battle against this shit more effective. Getting depressed and the whole crying thing is a huge emotional stress on my body and it only helps me feel worse.
And some people might say, well if you know it doesn't help why do you cry and get sad? Well, it is not that easy to control, the mental game is tough specially when you know you are sick, not sure what exactly your condition is, waiting for a doctor to give you an appointment in this "developed country" with social medical insurance, receiving a call from the doctor saying that he is full and that he can't take anymore patients and from another doctor saying that the sooner he can see you is end of August, while in the meantime I am suffering, physically suffering, so it is not only the mental battle against this condition, it is also physical pain which makes things much harder. Also know that I have not been taking any pills or medicines, I have been toughing up the pain, up until today that I had to take the Tylenol arthritis because Hubby though that I should keep the pain at bay and having that much pain can't not be good for anyone, so I did swallow the pill!
I have been doing Therapeutic Yoga with my dear friend Antonella, I love the Yoga with her, I really feel better after the work we do, physically and mentally better. She is such a breeze of fresh air, so natural, honest, tough and soft at the same time. She knows me well and she knows where to touch me and how to get me to soften up on my hard spots and to toughen up on my soft ones. I love my sessions with Antonella! Gracias amiga, si estas leyendo estas lineas, eres la mejor xx
I am working towards having a more regular schedule, sleeping better and more, eating the proper foods and having a regular schedule without skipping meals and taking all the "chucherias" out, also big changes are coming up for me, regulating my stress is key and I know what has to be done, I have a plan, we'll talk about it next week.
I have also been taking Traditional Chinese Medicine treatments, you already know that. I feel that they do help and a lot and it is my relief right now. Thank goodness for Ethan and the lovely friend that took me there. Weird but as soon as I enter Ethan's office everything calms down, I feel calm, and instantly better, the energy in that place is so strong, almost tangible, even hubby who came with me to the office last week felt it.
Tui-Na, Herbs, Acupuncture and... Qigong. Aha! I started doing Qigong and I think I like it.
I've taken two different approaches.
One: I signed up for a beginners class, 12 weeks, twice a week, one day is practicing a form, some sort of kata that helps create, direct and manage energy along the organs and the body, with a student of Ethan, it shows that she is advanced in the Qigong practice, the second day is more theory with the man himself (Ethan), he explains the whole Meridian system, the path of the energy and we deepen the practice of the form we learn with the lovely lady. I like Qigong, I can actually feel the energy in my body and I do have a lot of energy, it is just that I don't know how to manage it or how to redirect it into the paths so it runs smoothly... or something like that, I'm just learning :-)
Two: I took a private Qigong lesson with Ethan, it was awesome!!!! I actually love it, it was different from what we do in the beginners class but nevertheless very helpful and he gave me a booklet to read and practice the exercises at home which I did already, pretty cool!
On my first qigong practice I felt very weird, kind of frisky, aroused, hot, sexy.. now, don't laugh, I did feel some sort of sexy energy waking up inside me and when the teacher asked how did we feel, of course I didn't talk but when I got home and told hubby, imagine! he was totally happy about it and he recommends that I do it more often LOL
Explaining the whole story to Ethan was funny and I was a bit embarrassed but he said that's so normal and that a lot of emotions will come out during the practice until I learn to balance and control it all.
And what am I going to do with the Doctor situation? I am going home, yes home to Margarita Island to get all tests done there and get a diagnosis from a doctor. It will cost money, specially the ticket to fly there and probably the same amount to pay for a private consultation here but down the line, I will be going home where my mom and my grandmother will be taking care of me, I will be surrounded by my family, close to the beach and the sun, you know, in my environment, my island, home!!!! And, the best of all, I don't need an appointment to go the doctor, I will show up and he will see me, and I can go to any laboratory and ask for any blood tests to be done, pay for it and then take all that to the best Rheumatologist in the Island and get down to business, no bureaucracy, no bullshit, no collapsed systems, no busy doctors trying to brush me off telling me I am not sick... suckers!!! *I'm giving you the finger* aaaahhhh that feels good... hahahahaha
Well, I have to be careful down there, violence is a concern and the political situation in my country is a bit rocky right now, so I might find a diagnosis, even get cured yet get killed in the process, I might be exaggerating but there is a lot of reality in my statement.
Tomorrow I have to work, teach a Martial Endurance Class, lots of cardio, jumping, cardio drills...hhhmmm... let's see how that goes. Hope I can make it in one piece and later in the afternoon my Qigong class :-) just thinking about it helps me feel good.
I'll keep in touch more often, writing helps. Nighty night xx
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